The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
