I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
