quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
