all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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