If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
