Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
