I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
