I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
