FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
