It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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