The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I enjoy the company of your penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
