Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
