Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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