Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
