I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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