is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
