Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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