I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
