Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
