You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
