Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
