I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
