i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
