; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
