I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
