i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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