I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
