Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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