hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
