my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
