Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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