If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
