so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
