I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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