i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
