I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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