I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
