Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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