I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
His nipple licking is glorious
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