somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my shit smells like andre
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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