jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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