I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
