I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
