ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
