I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
