If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
only if we run a train.
done.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
