OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there's paper in my vomit.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
