so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
