My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
