seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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