Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize