we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
