Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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