he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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