why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You left your phone here
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