I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
