Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
