I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
