i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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