Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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