can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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