JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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