I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
