Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
