Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
