You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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