I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Two words: blizzard sex
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize