Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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