I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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