Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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