if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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