Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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