I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
