Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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