the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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